Hope is a Good Thing

One of the highlights of my life was July 4, 2011. There I sat in our hospital room at St. Agnes hospital holding my brand-new baby girl, Zoey. I looked out the hospital window and, in the distance, I could see fireworks bursting in the sky over the Inner Harbor of Baltimore. It was one of those awe-inspiring moments you find yourself in during life and as you are living through it, you know that moment will stay with you forever. Not once did Zoey cry during the fireworks, but she squeezed my hand each time one of them exploded. I was a nervous new father, but as she squeezed my hand I could feel myself full of hope for what the future might bring for us.

At the end of the fireworks I could tell it was time for a diaper change at which point I said to my wife, “I think Zoey wants you” and I ran like heck to the cafeteria for a snack…

I couldn’t help but notice the look in her face, a look of hopelessness

Fast forward nine years later and going to watch fireworks on Zoey’s birthday has come to be a yearly tradition that our family has celebrated together. However, this year will be different. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, much of the fireworks celebrations in our area have been cancelled. When I told Zoey the fireworks celebrations had been cancelled this year, she was sad but she understood the reasons why.

I couldn’t help but notice the look in her face, a look of hopelessness as another aspect of life worth looking forward to has been cancelled. School had been closed, playgrounds were closed, movie theaters stay closed and many other exciting activities remain cancelled. She isn’t the only one, as many of us have had a lot of the things in life that bring us joy that we look forward to cancelled, paused or kept at a distance for so many different reasons this year. To be honest, I felt it too.

It is heartbreaking to see the loss of hope in a loved one. I began to reflect on this concept of “hope”. A lack of hope for a return to normal life or for a future changed for the better seems to be the underlying theme for 2020. You turn on the TV and you see the emotions, despair and anger on the news, but underneath it all I see an underlying theme of a lack of hope. Many people have lost their jobs without a paycheck to look forward to. Protestors are marching because they feel there is no justice to look forward to. These are real, powerful and impact the life of every American. So many have lost hope in anything good happening anytime soon.

That said, deep inside I hoped to find some way to make Zoey’s birthday special.

“Hope” is a dangerous thing

As I was scanning the TV channels recently, I came across a movie I had not seen in many years, Shawshank Redemption. I forgot how emotionally moving the movie was for me. Having not seen it in over 14 years, I noticed a theme that perhaps I overlooked. The theme of hope. In case you haven’t seen the movie, Andy Dufrain is a convicted felon who was wrongfully imprisoned for the murder of his wife and her lover. Throughout the movie, Andy hoped the real killer would eventually be found and he would be set free. In a powerful scene towards the end of the movie, Andy tries to explain the importance of hope to his friend Red, who disagrees with him, stating that “hope” is a dangerous thing.

Is hope a dangerous thing as Red suggested? Hope is defined as “a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” The only thing more heartbreaking than seeing the lack of hope around our country is seeing the lack of hope in my own daughter’s eyes. Perhaps on a personal level, I had forgotten how powerful hope can be and how hope for the future and for great things to come keeps life exciting and inspiring.

Just as I was about to finish the movie, I heard the sound of a large crash in my den. I got up to see what happened and saw that a ball thrown by my one of my children in our house had crashed into one of my favorite pictures, a picture of Cole Field House where the Maryland Terrapins Basketball team used to play. Of course, both my son Brooks and Zoey pointed the finger at each other, proclaiming their innocence. As I investigated the scene of the crime, I noticed the picture itself was fine but the frame that held it was broken. However, this wasn’t just any picture frame. It was the first picture frame I ever bought for my first house. I began to reflect on the day I bought the frame, as it was an interesting day in my life…

Lose the Zero and get with the Hero

The date was March 17, 2005. I had just bought my first house, a townhome in Columbia, MD. I didn’t have much as far as furniture or decorations in the house, being a bachelor with no roommates. I have several younger sisters, who would make fun of me because I had no pictures on my walls, just a poster of Cole Field House in the dining room. They also made fun of me because the only food and drink in my house were Hot Pockets, Top Ramen and Capri Suns (I swear I was 25 and not eight years-old!). I was too cheap to buy a picture frame for my poster, so I actually had the poster tacked to the wall in the living room to the chagrin of the women in my family. My sisters and my mom pestered me and finally one day I decided to pick up a frame for the poster on my way home from work.

I stopped into a large store that sold picture frames. At the time, I was still a Mail Carrier for the U.S. Postal Service and I had my Mail Carrier uniform on. I had no clue what I was doing in that store, but I found a poster frame that I thought would fit. I walked up to the line at the register to pay and at the end of the register was a beautiful girl who appeared to be in her early twenties. I presumed she was the Customer Service Supervisor who at that moment was having a conversation with the cashier. She saw me and smiled and then returned to talking to the cashier. As soon as I got to the cashier, she walked away to the manager’s office.

I began to pay for the picture frame and the cashier said to me, “Hey man, my Supervisor said she thought you were cute.”

I couldn’t believe it. “Really?” I said.

“Yeah,” the cashier said. “You should go ask her for her phone number. I’ll bet you’ll get it!”

I always had a rule that I didn’t ask a girl for her number if she was working, it didn’t seem right to me. However, here was her fellow employee encouraging me to do so. What did he know? Maybe it was a sign? I went against my better judgement and walked up to the manager’s office. I looked down and realized I was still in my Mail Carrier uniform, and I felt like an idiot as I was about to ask a girl for her number dressed like “Norman” from Seinfeld.

This was the early 2000’s, there was no such thing a Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram. You needed the courage to actually go up to someone and talk to them in person and ask them out on a date. Crazy, right? I knocked on the door and she answered. She smiled when she saw me and we introduced ourselves. I asked her if she thought the picture frame I had bought was a good brand. She said yes and we made some small talk for a few minutes. She was so kind and helpful, but also beautiful. I sensed a connection and after about five minutes of “frame” talk, I finally asked the question:

I asked, “Hey, would you like to grab a cup of coffee sometime?”

She smiled and as nicely as she could, she said, “I’m so sorry, I would but I’m seeing someone.”

“Oh,” I said.

She replied, “To be honest, he’s late again as usual to pick me up from work.” She rolled her eyes as though she was growing weary of his shenanigans.

After hearing that, I have no idea what got into my head. It was like Joey from the TV show Friends suddenly possessed my body and took over my brain. I never used pick-up lines, but one just popped into my head. I thought it might be a humorous way to break an awkward moment. Hearing her admit her boyfriend was constantly late, I thought it would be worth a shot so I said it:

“Well, since he’s always late…maybe you should ditch the Zero and get with the Hero,” and I pointed at myself. You read that right. I said those words and pointed at myself. As the words I spoke came out of my mouth, I immediately regretted it. I looked at her and she looked shocked.

Then she laughed. “You’re funny!” she said. She began writing on a piece of paper. “Here’s my number. Maybe we can grab coffee as friends.” She handed me her number and we said our good-byes. As I walked out of that store, I felt like a real “Zero”.

A week went by and my mom saw my Maryland Terps poster nicely framed and hanging on the wall. I told her where I got it, and that I met a nice girl in the process.

“I hope one day I can date a girl like that,” I said.

“Hope?” my mom said. “Hope is great, but what good is hope without action? She gave you her number for a reason…you should have called her right away!”

Who knows what would have happened if I did call her right away.

They were excited for what the future holds. It was awesome.

My mom had mentioned “hope with action”. What does that look like? Returning to present day, a few days after the destruction of my picture frame thanks to my kids, I took part in Anne Arundel Community College’s graduation parade. I stood on the side cheering on our students as we celebrated their graduation in a new and innovative way. As I stood there, I saw something remarkable in the faces of the graduates and their families as they drove through. I saw something I had not seen in months.

I finally saw some hope.

It was the first time I saw hope in a long time. The graduates would shout from their car their next plans for their life, either transferring to a four-year college or a job they had lined up to enter the workforce. They were excited for what the future holds. It was awesome. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest watching this short two-minute highlight clip below:

Seeing the graduates from AACC complete their dream of obtaining a college degree reminded me of what hope combined with action looks like. You know what also stood out to me? I looked in the cars and saw parents with tears of joy in their eyes for their children graduating. I didn’t know their stories. But I can only imagine what the journey must have been like for those parents. It didn’t matter where the graduation took place. For them, to see their children’s hope realized during these current trying times was an emotion not even I can put into words. They inspired me.

After seeing such a remarkable display of hope from the graduates and their families at the AACC graduation parade, I decided I needed to find a way for fireworks to happen for my daughter’s birthday. I realized that I can’t just sit back and wait for an opportunity to provide hope. I was going to have to act as well. Through a family contact I found out there was a legal public fireworks celebration taking place on July the Fourth, so we made plans to take a chance and show up.

I never lost my hope in you

After Zoey’s birthday party, we took the drive to the fireworks display. On the way, Zoey still had the look of hopelessness on her face, not sure if these fireworks would be cancelled before we got there. When we arrived there, Zoey was so happy and the look of hopelessness disappeared. There we stood watching the fireworks together, with her squeezing my hand like she did nine years ago as a baby but this time with tears of joy in her eyes.

“Thank you, Daddy,” she said. “I knew you would find a way to make it happen.”

I looked down at her and said, “How did you know?”

She responded, “I was sad that fireworks were cancelled… but I never lost my hope in you. You made it happen. You’re my hero, Daddy.”

I had never been called a hero before. Perhaps it was because someone was chopping onions somewhere on that field, but my eyes got a little watery. I was so proud of my daughter. She realized something many adults are probably missing. It’s not just about the hope we place in things, places or activities, it’s the hope we place in each other that matters the most. If we could only find a way to have Zoey’s kind of hope in each other.

Hearing my daughter call me a “hero” reminded me of the “lose the zero and get with the hero” pick-up line I used on the girl at the frame shop 15 years ago. Perhaps you should know the rest of that story…

I figured, why not?

Even though I did not call that girl right away, I eventually did take my mother’s advice 15 years ago and called that girl from the frame shop. The store was called Michael’s Arts and Crafts. Would you believe it? We became good friends over the next few months. Eventually, she realized that guy she was seeing was a “Zero”. He ended up being late one too many times, and she stopped seeing him. Soon we would begin dating. And in October of 2006, I would marry that girl from the frame store. I recently asked my wife, “was it the pick-up line that convinced you to give me your number?”

She said, “heck no, that was terrible! You looked good in your uniform and had a nice thick head of hair, so I figured why not?”

By the way, the joke is on her because fifteen years later and I’m bald now.

That said, it turns out hope combined with a little action worked out. And we have two beautiful children with great hair to show for it.

Hope is a good thing

As I reflect, I’m reminded of the final scene of the movie Shawshank Redemption, where Red took Andy’s advice and combined hope with action. Andy escaped from jail and encouraged Red to take a risk and find him when he got out. Red would eventually find Andy on the beach. The moment where they embrace on the beach after all the turmoil and struggle they experienced together was amazing. Red finally understood the power of hope, which inspires us to be positive and rise above tragedy, heartbreak and loss to be inspired to expect so much more from life.

Andy says in the movie, “Hope is a good thing. Perhaps the best of things and no good thing ever dies.” I believe that hope is a good thing and hope combined with action is a great thing. I saw it at the AACC graduation parade and I see it in action as many Americans are speaking out for change. I have also seen it in my own life in my daughter’s eyes.

As I stood on that field on the Fourth of July, holding my daughter’s hand with my wife standing next to me, I watched the fireworks explode in the sky. My heart was filled with hope for the future. I realized there were times in the past that I felt like a “Zero” in life. But at that moment, I was surrounded by my wife, daughter and son who believed in me and thought I was a hero to them. I couldn’t help but wonder to myself, “What If I never took action combined with hope 15 years ago and asked that girl for her number?”

I thank God that I did.

Sure, disappointments will come. These are tough times, but never lose hope my friends. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.” Whatever you’re going through right now, it’s okay to feel disappointed. But never lose hope.

Because chances are, there is someone who never lost their hope in you.