From the Mound to the Workplace: Lessons in Leadership and Vulnerability

I was recently asked by an emerging leader at my organization, “What is the most important skill an emerging leader should develop right now?”

I was taken aback because there are so many important skills a leader should develop. There are many TED Talks, TikToks, and Harvard Business Review articles detailing the skills needed to be a great leader today. As I thought about it, I could name many skills, such as empathy, active listening, inclusivity, and many more, but not one skill alone stood out.

When I got home from work that day, my wife was scrapbooking some old photos, and I noticed she had some old pictures of me from high school. One was me in my high school baseball uniform. As I thought back to those days, suddenly an answer came to me. Allow me to explain.

It was May 1996. I was 16 years old, pitching for my high school baseball team, the Howard Lions. I loved pitching, standing on the mound, ball in hand, staring into the eyes of the batter and giving it everything I had to throw that ball by them. We were playing Hammond High School, and I was having one of my best pitching performances. I remember on this particular day it was a humid, hazy afternoon with storm clouds brewing on the horizon. My fastball command was spot on, and I was dropping in my knuckle-curve well. We were up 2–1 until the 5th inning when I ran into some trouble. I walked two batters in a row to load the bases, and I felt like the umpire wasn’t giving me the strike zone on the outside corner. I was punching my glove and giving the ump dirty looks after each walk. I was visibly frustrated on the mound.

Then, suddenly, the rain started to come down. Not hard enough for the umpire to pause the game, but hard enough where I could feel my grip on the ball begin to slip a bit. Then I looked behind the backstop, and there stood my dad. I had no idea he had shown up to the game during that inning. He was very busy running an auto repair shop and rarely came to my games, but there he was, on this day, standing in his auto shop uniform with his arms folded with rain falling on all of us. He moved behind the backstop to get my attention. He then motioned with his two fingers to his eyes then to me as if to say, “Hey, I’m watching you, so cut it out.”

I was already frustrated, so I didn’t need my dad back there adding fuel to the fire. So, standing on the mound, with the rain dripping off the bill of my cap, I stared down my dad. With my next pitch, I heaved it as hard as I could, four feet to the right, and the ball hit the metal backstop right in front of his face with a loud “bang.” The umpire and batter just assumed it was a wild pitch, and my teammates thought it was hilarious. That made me smile and feel better, so I then proceeded to strike the batter out to end the inning and I headed to the dugout. As I got to the dugout, my father motioned for me to come to the opening, where he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me into his face. He then looked me in the eyes and said, “Never let them see you sweat. You hear me? Never let them see you sweat.”

After he told me that, I proceeded to finish the game, and we got the win. However, my father’s words of “never let them see you sweat” stayed with me into my adulthood. To me, his words “never let them see you sweat” was about being tough and never letting your emotions or imperfections show in all circumstances; otherwise, you will appear to be weak.

These words followed me into my professional life, which I think helped me stay even-handed and calm in many chaotic situations. But for a long time, and into my tenure as an operations supervisor, this caused me to build up a bit of an emotional wall. I never showed much emotion (besides laughing at a good joke).

Fast forward many years later into my 30s, I was working in HR. I was working with an HR Director at my federal agency whom I didn’t know very well just yet and I was still trying to figure him out. One day, I was scheduled to have a meeting with him. When we met, I could see he wasn’t himself. He was honest and said, “You know what, John? I don’t think I can do this today. Honestly, I’ve had a few tough days at home, and I’m not the best version of myself today. If you don’t mind, could we reschedule this?”

I was taken aback that he would share that with me. I was moved to see that this leader was a human just like me, who had home struggles like me, who at times wasn’t the best version of himself like me. He allowed himself to let me “see him sweat.” In other words, he allowed himself to be vulnerable with me. After that day, and I couldn’t explain it at the time, but I would have run through a wall for him as my leader.

While I wouldn’t say it’s the most important, I think being vulnerable is one of the more important skills a great leader can develop in today’s climate. Over the last few years, I have learned that as a leader, you don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers. In fact, it’s okay to say things like:

• “I’m not sure I know the answer to that. Let’s figure it out together.”
• “I’ve never seen this before.”
• “I’m struggling a bit today.”
• “This week was tough for me.”
• “You know what? I made a mistake here. I have to be better.”

What I’ve learned is that displaying vulnerability from time to time lets our team know that we are human beings just like them. We know we’re not perfect, we don’t have all the answers, we have hard days, and we need grace from time to time just like them. And it’s okay for them to see that on occasion.

The questions you may have are, what is too vulnerable? And how often should we be vulnerable? From my experience, it’s one of those things that you know when you see it. Boundaries are still important, and TMI (Too Much Information) can quickly go from being vulnerable to creating awkward moments. Trust your intuition as a leader and your knowledge of your team members.

For some, this skill may come easier to develop than for others. And if I may tiptoe into the controversial, depending on when you were raised, and for males especially, displaying vulnerability can be difficult. My dad was a Navy veteran of the Vietnam War era and always believed in displaying “toughness.” He raised me to believe showing emotion or vulnerability as a man was a sign of weakness. But as I have grown into a leader, I believe when used correctly, vulnerability is actually a great strength of a leader.

I’ve also learned the importance of vulnerability as a leader, especially when leading teams that include Millennials and Gen Z employees. You don’t need to be the loudest voice in meetings or appear to be the smartest person in the room to influence them. From my experience, they care less about how tough or perfect you are, instead what matters to them is how human and relatable you are. They are more open to constructive feedback from someone who shows their own imperfections from time to time.

In closing, the other day I was watching a baseball game with my nine-year-old son. In the game, a pitcher was cruising until the 7th inning when he gave up a three-run home run that gave the other team the lead. The pitcher was taken out of the game. When he got to the bench, the camera showed him slamming his glove down and sitting on the bench with a towel over his head, upset, as teammates slapped him on the back to console him. My son, seeing this, said, “Well, that’s embarrassing! Doesn’t he know he’s on camera looking upset like that?”

I flashed back to that day many years ago on the pitching mound in high school in the rain, heaving baseballs at my dad’s head in frustration. I thought about what my dad said, then what I learned about vulnerability from my former HR director. I told my son, “It’s okay. He’s not hurting anyone, just showing a bit of emotion due to his passion. That’s okay, right?”

“Oh, I get it, Dad,” he said. “Like the other night when the closer blew the game in the 9th inning and you cursed at the TV and said the manager should be fired?”

He got me there. I guess I wasn’t the “best version of myself that day”…

There are many skills that can make us great leaders. Developing the skill of being vulnerable when appropriate is one of them. Considering our own human nature, embracing and displaying vulnerability as needed might just be the key to truly connecting with and inspiring the human beings we lead.